Monday, September 24, 2007

The babysitter upstairs


Occasionally, Ricky would "allow" Lucy to take a job, or buy something; we all knew who wore the pants in the Ricardo family. My orientation was the opposite; the women in my family pretty much did what we wanted. Too bad I didn't pay attention to the reality around me.

Mothers and grandmothers didn't compete
I recall a friend of Lucy's, an elderly woman who sometimes babysat and who lived upstairs. I remember her sweet and loving attitude toward Lucy. She knew Lucy was constantly playing to get Ricky's attention. How wonderful that she was able to give Lucy a wink, to let Lucy know she understood. In today's sitcoms, the grandmothers would be taking their breasteses out the door on their way to meet a new man. No, dear. Babysit? Are you crazy? With my schedule?

I think it's important that today's aging baby boomer women understand that most of the "attention" rightfully goes to younger people. That's the natural order of things. I don't believe our children want us to be "like" them. I believe they want us to show them alternatives. Besides, it's a matter of moving forward as a species. I haven't always felt this way, unfortunately since I messed up with my own kids early. Now I'm seeing things differently.

As an older woman, I have become aware that my own vanity keeps me from growing old gracefully inside. It's difficult to overcome the guilt some people feel when it comes to maintaining one's looks to the point of obsession. When I watch how people used to act and be, when I was a little girl, it's unfathomable that we've traveled, as a culture, so diametrically opposite of that brash and certain American spirit. It's hard to break those old ideas, especially when you're not prepared to deal in a new world.

As for Lucy, she was smarter than she looked. She loved when Ricky went nuts because of her antics. Lucy was, after all, the best feminist I ever knew. She always got what she wanted. So did Ricky.